Oh wells.

4 more months left. The girl I like so much might like my friend. I have this gut feeling. My gut is always right. I'm feeling down. I feel like I wanna give up life... but I can't do that. I will never do that.  "I will never quit." is always on my mind.  but I don't wanna fall in love again.  It hurts. BAD. I'm scared but I'm not showing it. Is she worth it? Is she worth waiting for? I don't know. I might never know. But I want to. I just can't do it without thinking ahead about the consequences. I don't know anymore. Everytime I see her with my friend, I always feel jealous but I can't do anything about it. Damn it, why is it so hard?

Everything changed.

You were right Jomar. About everything. Even my friends changed. I know you warned me but I ignored you about it. I should have known. They caught me off guard. Son of a bitch. People do change. Even though they don't show it but they will..sooner or later. Now I'm alone with no one to talk to, no one who knows what I've been through.  They changed so much that it's not even for the better. They lost their sense of value. Now I know what you're talking about. That's why you left everyone you knew. Now I know. So everything was planned since Junior year. Now I'm about to do the same.  Just a couple of months more and I'm out of here. Finally. I need a fresh start. Bad. This place is so out of control that I don't even want to deal with anymore. I just got to focus for a couple of months. Leave everyone. Start fresh. Help family. THAT'S IT. Nothing more. Nothing less. Everyone who's reading this, I'm sorry but you're one of them. The way you look at me because of this, I could care less. I will remain neutral though. I will not talk about this. This is what I experienced. You might say otherwise but like what I said.. I could care less.

I know I shouldn't be thinking like this but...

I think my friends are drifting away from me. Either they are doing it purposely or I've been so busy that time did its thing. But even though I've been busy they should at least hit me up when plans are made.  Let me know if I want to come or not. Just because I've been flaking or denying plans does not mean I don't like hanging with you guys. I've always had a legitimate reason for flaking and whatnot. My time is divided between school, job, and family. Notice I don't have "friends" as a category yet. It's cause I don't have time. The only time I do have time for zee homies is when one of those categories decide to back their plans down on the last minute. Leaving me alone like that just makes me want to beg my recruiter to make my ship date earlier than before. Zamn, cold people out there.

Things I learned today..

Never try to jailbreak your iphone without the necessary back-ups and files you need in case things aren't going as planned.. I was so excited to jailbreak my iphone just to play pokemon that I got careless and just went right in. I failed since I don't have the necessary files so the phone is sorta broken. It won't even turn on. So I was offline today. I fixed it now though. It's faster than how it performed before the whole shenanigans happened. So I guess it's a lose-win situation.
With that being said, you always gotta be prepared in life. You will never know what will happen in the future. There's nothing wrong with being prepared. It's helluva lot better than looking like an idiot when an unexpected event hits you right off your feet. I have to learn that too. Since I'm preparing for it, I can't be looking like I don't know what's expected. I need to make sure that before I leave, I'm already prepared and at least have an idea what I'm going to face since it's the obstacle than blocks me from what I am now and what I am in the future.  Do I feel pressured? Yes.  Scared? Just a little bit. Motivated? ABSOLUTELY. Now, let's do this hooah?

Here We Go.

This is it. There's no turning back now. It's now or never. All I gotta do is move forward and continue progressing. It might be far away from now for me but for other people it's just around the corner. I wish it was earlier than it is though. I can't take the people around me anymore. I  learned that there are people out there that will say they can do it but when the opportunity comes, they back out. I mean I do that too but I try to compensate for it by doing something bigger than expected. Like what I'm about to do this week. I just have to gather the intel I need about her and my plan will be in motion. As long as she doesn't have a significant other or plans on that special day, I'll be good. Well that's it. Let's do this.

When I think about it...

Going to the U.S. Army as 11C is risky. I knew picking that MOS isn't 100% because it's still part of Infantry so I might be re-assigned.  Even my recruiter told me that they cannot guarantee the position that I want. I want to learn the basics though. 11C will teach me about the different types of mortars, how to operate SMAW's, Stingers and Javelins. I will also learn how to analyze topographical calculations. Plus learning about the weapons I will use while serving. I don't want Military Police. NEVER. Cavalry Scout is what I'm also after but I'm still thinking about it. On the other hand, I could always go reserve and just try to get college credits but a part of me is saying that it's better that I should start now.

Better get my head straight. Once March is over, there's no turning back.

Been very busy.

Everything is going according to plan. Who would have thought that I could go this far? I'm glad everything is flowing smoothly and I owe it all to my cuzzo, Jomar. If it wasn't for him, I would have never thought of all the benefits and the fun I could have in this position. Good luck out there dude.  I also learned alot of things from him since I got here. And I thank him for that. But for now, I am officially: "Ready for Enlistment" as 11C in the U.S. Army. Just a few more steps and that will become "Prep for Deployment." Just a couple of months left until graduation comes. As soon as that happens, I'll be ready. Let's do this, hoo-ah?